I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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