4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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