I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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