"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize