I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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