the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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