Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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