i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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