youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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