mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize