We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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