dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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