I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize