Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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