i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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