8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish I only lived at night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
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This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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