the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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