Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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