I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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