it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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