i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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