my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize