I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize