i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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