I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize