tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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