My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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