Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize