I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize