Just fell off a train. Bad.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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