i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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