Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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