Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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