I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
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The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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