Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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