what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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