you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize