What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
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I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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