Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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