Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
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