My liver just broke up with me...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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