Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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