You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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