I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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