I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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