so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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