I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize