So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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