So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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