Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
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